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No expendable actors in 'The Expendables'

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POSTED: August 20, 2010 10:04 a.m.
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Muscles, weapons, black clothes and sweat punctuate "The Expendables."

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I watched “The Expendables” last weekend and shame on you if you have no idea which film that is.
“The Expendables” is the new action spectacular from director Sylvester Stallone. It’s his homage to the muscle-bound action blockbusters of decades past. I first heard about the project April 1 and thought it was a joke. No way did Stallone manage to gather Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and several other action all-stars for one movie. But it wasn’t a joke.
“The Expendables” are a rag-tag gang of mercenaries for hire. Their first job is a hostage rescue mission aboard a modern-day Somali pirate ship. Stallone and his second-in-command, Jason Statham, along with Jet Li, Randy Couture, Dolph Lundgren and Terry Crews, basically massacre the pirates. They blow one guy in half.
Their next mission is the film’s main course. They have to overthrow a dictator on a Central-American island. Eric Roberts and Steve Austin are bad-guy Americans in league with the militant general.
Schwarzenegger and Willis make only brief — but funny — cameo appearances, which is a bit of a bummer but totally forgivable considering how fun this film is.
Mickey Rourke is a retired expendable who owns a bar that doubles as a tattoo parlor. He has an incredible monologue where he and Stallone both cry. Yep, there’s no kissing in this testosterone fest, but the tough guys take time out to weep.
The worst thing about “The Expendables” is that Jet Li didn’t look cool in this film. He was very funny, but not scary, as he often is.
The best thing about “The Expendables” is Jason Statham, who not only carries the brunt of the film, but also throws knives, which — let’s face it — is just plain cool.
Of course, when it comes to film, I find that you’re either a fan or you’re not.
How do I feel about “The Expendables?”
I’m a fan.
You look surprised. Didn’t you hear that 40 percent of the film’s audience members have been female?
And I’m willing to watch a sequel, but Stallone, sir, you’re going to have to step up the plot and the dialogue in part two.
Now, you’re probably asking yourself, “Is Sasha always a fan?” I promise I am not. In fact, the idea of going to watch Julia Roberts’s new movie, “Eat Pray Love,” kinda makes me want to poke a sharp pencil in my eye.
Of that film, I am not a fan.
 

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